ok im losing my grasp on life! i've started withdrawling from everyone! i spend most of my time in my room, drawing, listening to music, writing lyrics, singing my lyrics, playing video games, reading, playing on the internet, and homework... at school my "friends" rarely talk to me anymore... i've kinda started getting more mature i guess... im still really random and weird like during lunch i will make a random noise such as Ba-caw!!! lol but yea i've gained an intrest in anime... i just faded away from my old ways... i've made some new friends but its still weird ya know? i guess the rumor about high school is true! "you change when you get to highschool." sooo many ppl told me that but i didnt listen to them... oh i dont think i wrote this but i learned the soulja boi dance and the cupid shuffle... my gma bev watches ellen degenerous and well soulja boi was on there and my gma askes every1 if they know the dance... so i cant wait till sunday when we go visit her so i can show her it!!!! she lives about 2 hours away so we go almost every weekend to see her!!!! my gma is sooo much fun!! How many 56 year olds do you know that call their daughters whores and bitches? lol my gma called my mom and my 3 aunts that when they were laughing at my gma's makeup... she shakes alot due to her parkenzies... not sure on the spelling but u get it!! it makes her shake ALOT AND ALL OVER!! i say shes ganna pimp slap someone!!!! lol she laughs at me... ugh.... ya kno... things are better when you get to start them over new... except those life long projects... those are the best... i guess what im saying is that i wish i could start over before i get much older... not like death and life start over but like a new school start over. understand? if not leave a comment!!! lol please!.!.! well i dont have much to say for now.... thanks for reading!! stay crazy!! oh ive started writing my story!!!! i've got to write some of it for you guys!!!! ill try to remember to write it!!! lol! bye bye 4 now!!!

Ok i got into a fight recently... not the kind with punching and all of that but like with words... i guess... well first off i have a black sister(im white). well in yearbook this a**hole comes over to me and my friend courtney. well courtney is dating a black guy named d... um i forget how to spell his name... well anyways this guy comes over saying how you shouldnt have interracial relationships, how blacks are skummy, nasty, low lifes, unpure, and all of this other crap... so i said "Dude you really need to shut the hell up because i have a black sister and what your saying offends me." Know what he says to me?? "well i have black relatives in my family tree... they are still hanging there." then he laughs!!!!!
Now im pissed!!!!!! courtney looked at me and knew that i was ganna explode and that exactly what i did... i yelled at him "You know what you racist B**terd... no one cares what you say cuz your a peice of s**t anyways... and black guys are nasty? Um have you ever heard of showers? I can smell your b.o. from 9 miles away! you have no room to be talking! and first of all dont use the bible to justify your rasicm... uhh have you ever seen the people from jerusalum? heres a clue.. THEY ARE NOT WHITE!!!! jesus was not white... and by the way your not pure either due to the fact that your not 'white'... technicaly we are the color of a saltine cracker!!" then he interupts and goes on about how blacks are on that food stamp process thing... umm i hate to break it to him but more white males are on that process that black people all together! yea so wtf ever!!! God rasict a**holes really piss me off because they think they are always right!!! ummm NO YOUR NOT!!!no one is aways right... sure we all have different opinions on things but still when someone tells you they dont want to hear your opinion shut up!!! Now if you dont like my opinion well you dont have to read this!! you chose to read this you can stop reading this anytime you want!!! well now that ive vented thanks for reading this!!!! stay crazy!!!

Ugh... ok my friend *kara is dating my friend *ken... and my friend *adam doesnt like ken... well adam thinks ken is only dating kara to get in her pants... well ken says thats not true...... well im friends with all of them and im always being put in the middle... now kara is mainly innocent in this except that well she wants to have sex b4 she gets out of highschool... well this stired up stuff with adam... well adam is calling ken a cheater and is turning every1 against them... well ken calls adam gay... or queer kid... so yea then i have to listen to ken complain that adam is calling him a jerk and all of this when he does the same thing!!!! well today i went off on all of them!!!!!! i went off on ken 4 talking sh*t when he complains about adam doing it... i yelled at adam 4 the same thing... i yelled at these 2 other girls cuz they r trying to break up ken and kara. well then i told kara she needs to ignore everything 4 a while... she didnt really do anythhing... ken doesnt kno that kara wants to have sex yet!!! so yea... now i have about 5 or 6 people mad at me... honestly i think that ken and kara relationship is ok... if it works it works... but if kara wasnt involved in the relationship then ken would b on his own dealing with everything... if kara and ken werent dating... things would b better... but kara seems soo happy now... ugh... ive been withdrawling from the world... lately i seem to have an obsession with skulls, music, internet, and Zelda. I barely talk to anyone anymore.... this one guy has noticed... i have a crush on him but i dont think he likes me back but today he was the only one there for me when i broke down... i just couldnt take anymore of the pplz sh*t... *peter was the one who came and grabbed my arm and took me to another table in lunch cuz he saw how mad i was at ken... i probably would have slugged him!!! It just seems like i can tell peter everything... so a horrible day turned out pretty good... i have a date with peter!!!! I cant wait!!! we r ganna go to the movies... we r ganna see prom night... i hope its good... i heard it was pretty scary... hmmmmm... well ill write more tomorrow so thanks 4 reading this!!!!

ok one of my friends commited suicide earlier today... the funeral is on monday... im not going tho... only because i feel that if you are ganna kill yourself obviously you wouldn't want a funeral for people to see you because you killed yourself to get away from them!!! Honestly i think suicide is for wimps who can't put up with their pampered life... omg mom didnt get you that laptop so your going to kill yourself... yea thats a lame excuse but kids actually use it... honestly why kill yourself??? wtf is that point in that???? all your doing is causing more pain for everyone else and leaving people with the cost of a funeral or cremation... why do that to some one when your still 12-19? suicide is really retarded... honestly... you just have to think to yourself is this worth it??? is my life worse than that girl who's dad beats and rapes her... is my life worse than the life of those kids over in asia and iraq who are starving to death? hell no your life isn't worse than that!!!! teenagers now a days dont use their heads and it pisses me off........ f'ing kids!!!!!! Its scary thinking that the worlds future is in the hands of my generation.... my generation is seriously f'ed up!!! if any of the kids from my school ever grow up and become president or something... then the world is screwed!!!! my school is nationaly ranked in the top 5... for the most drugs.... yea.... its worse than all of the getto's in the whole state of illinois!!!!!! i dont go to parties anymore because as soon as you get there its like they just give it to you in a gift bag... every party i went too... but an hour away i go to parties and only like 2 times have i been offered drugs... i said no of course... only because i dont like the smell of cigs... so why would i want to smoke weed? its like the same thing as a cig kinda... only more of a buzz if guess... people ask me if i hate the smell of cigs then why do i go over to mike& willies... well cuz one they are my cousins... and two i mainly go over there to hang out with willie and we usually leave the house and go to his friends house... almost all of the kids hang out there... well the skaters anyway... they all smoke there too... cigs and weed... yea they all stoped smoking there for now.... ugh.... well yea... this seems like enough for now so yea... thanks for reading...

ahhh.... to be on here writing again.... its been like 4ever.... grrr.... yea i havent been on here lately due to all of the makeup work i had so yea... its sooo hard trying to make up 2 sets of algebra while trying to get the 1 thats due the next day done too!! in top of that i have french homework and a fashion project.... idk what fashion really has to do with french except for the fact that our chapter we are on is about clothes.... then i have physical science and there's almost always homework in there!!!! then i have drivers ed... and english.... and some pe packets we get.... yea we get homework in pe!!!!!! retarded right?!?!?!?! oh and i have yearbook to work on!!!!!! damn i got a lot of stuff to do... oh and what really sucks is that my studyhall got taken away so i could have drivers ed.... grrrrr.... oh well.... oh its still suprizing to me how much drama there is in my school... like my friend mack is dating this guy mike... well people keep telling her mike is a player and only wants in her pants... ugh.... why do people have to spread things around??? ok now if you said one thing about their boyfriends theyd slap you... but oh no they can say what they want and when you get mad at them they start a b***h fight... oh now mack has been my friends since 6th grade. ive known her since 4th but i didnt hang out with her all the time... well in 5 th grade she had brain surgery due to seizures.... well because of that she doesnt fully understand things and isnt in full control of her emotions... which leaves me to do the dirty work... so yea ive gotten suspended before because i got in a fight with some girl who called mack a whore... yea.... i get into fights alot tho.... most people know not to mess with me but some just dont know when enough is enough.... ok... i recently got into a fight because me and some friends were all out hanging out when james came and was flirting with this girl...whose name idk.... well her bf. came and james and i left... mainly cuz the gurls bf. and i dont get along very well... he's racist and i have a black sister... point blank... well we left and james's friend called the cops on the other pplz cuz they were out in the cemetary and they blamed james and i for calling the cops... well all day at school they would come up and call us names...which didnt bother me none... then they started running into us in the hallways causing us to run into other people... then at lunch they threw food at us... ok now i was pissed... cuz i was wearing a new shirt that was white... they threw a french frie wit ketchup on it at me and it got alll over my shirt... i was pissed!!!! so i punched a guy.... walked off school grounds after that... i dont like the principal hes really cocky so i just left.... and when james and i left the school... well there were a couple of guys waiting for us.... so now i got suspended for punching someone, walking of school grounds, and 4 days in juvy for pulling a knife on the guys who tried to jump us.... yea... plus 2 months of grounding and 3 months of probation... that was added to my last probation of 4 months... i was at my cousins house and he was down in the basement smoking pot with his friends and cuz i was in the house i got probation.... they all got 9 months probation... mainly cuz this was the second time this has happended....so yea thats all i got to say for now... i should probably go to bed... ugh.... well ill write more tomorrow hopefully.... thanks 4 reading this!!!!!!! stay crazy and be you!!!!